Relationship Choices; Do We Have The Right Knowledge?

 

By Paul Mauchline www.artofloving.com

 

You feel ready for a new relationship. You love yourself. You have dealt with childhood issues and those from past relationships. You are clear about the reasons for wanting a relationship. You are willing and able to put in the work that creating a committed, loving relationship requires. Now that you know you are ready, how do you find a partner who is the right person for a committed, loving relationship? How do you know he or she is, indeed, the one for you?

If you are in fact ready for a relationship, you should ask yourself the following questions upon meeting someone: "Are you (my potential partner) ready for a committed relationship?"... "Are you the one for me?"... Perhaps, more importantly, "Are you not the one for me?" According to divorce statistics, in over 50 percent of marriages, the answer of one or both partners is: "You are not the one for me." Hopefully, by making a careful choice up front, you will not become a statistic later on.

In evaluating the questions "Are you the one for me?" or "Are you not the one for me?" it is important to be honest with yourself and your potential partner. Both of you need to know what each wants out of life. Discuss your dreams, goals, lifestyles, hobbies, finances, religious and political beliefs, and desires for having children. Nowadays, many relationships end because partners allow the relationship to further develop without first discussing these topics. Truth and honesty are of the utmost importance in relationships. Lies-even subtle deception-cannot provide a solid foundation for a loving, committed relationship.

How do we decide whether someone is right or wrong for us? Your decision should be based, in part, on your expectations of a relationship. Identifying the right person with whom to build a relationship is difficult for so many of us.

We are often influenced by past experiences when choosing our partners. These past experiences, especially childhood ones, form mental moulds. They are shaped by early childhood memories, and one's relationship history with parents, siblings, and other family members. These moulds tell us about who we are, our assets and weaknesses, what we deserve, and what we should expect.

Shawn Nelson, MSA.                                                                                                         12