We take our guide with us into adulthood and use it to navigate through life. Because this guide is such an integral part of us-our inner child-we protect it at all cost. We seek experiences that confirm it. We avoid experiences that challenge it. We choose partners based on a childhood schema of "how relationships work," which we learnt from our parents. An extreme example of this type of selection is that of a child beaten by a parent.

In adulthood, that person is more likely to become involved in one or more abusive relationships. Although unhealthy, painful and potentially fatal, many are caught in this vicious cycle. Why? Because their how-to guides dictate "Men hurt women; women hurt men; or vice versa. I will get hurt if I stand up for myself. I don't deserve to be treated with dignity." For those who have suffered a lifetime of abuse, this is not a conscious choice; but it is deeply linked to their fundamental beliefs about relationship dynamics.

Many of us have found ourselves with partners who behave frighteningly like our parents, and that our actions often mirror those of a same-sex parent. Unconsciously, there is safety in familiarity. This is why we sometimes choose partners who are wrong for us, even when we consciously tell ourselves that we do not want to be in a relationship like that of our parents. Reshaping emotional moulds requires a thorough examination of childhood lessons, as well as their impact on one's adult life. When we are free of the denial surrounding our childhood lessons, we are on the road to leaving them behind. Healing childhood trauma, altering childhood messages, and changing old patterns is an ongoing and gradual process. The more changes one makes, the easier it is to build upon these changes; and the easier it is to identify whether someone is right or wrong for us.

Today, I understand the moulds and beliefs that were part of my growth to adulthood. I recognize how they influenced my adult decision-making processes and my relationships. Much of my acquired knowledge was wrong, which resulted in poor choices and unhappiness in my life. I have taken the time to examine these moulds and beliefs that were passed down to me. In all honesty, as a result of this examination, I have discarded about 95% of this inherited knowledge over the past several years.

There is an old expression, "Out with the old; in with the new." I have reshaped my own moulds and beliefs to better serve me. They allow me to make better choices for myself that are not based on the influences of others. Today, I express my true individuality-who I really am, and not whom others felt I should be. How wonderful it is to stand in front of a mirror and recognize your true reflection, instead of someone else's reflection.

I encourage everyone to honestly and thoroughly examine the moulds, beliefs, and knowledge that were passed down to you by others. Trust me, it is a painful process of questioning and

Shawn Nelson, MSA.                                                                                                         13