|
SO NEAR
AND YET SO FAR. "Help me
to make things go forward instead of backward. I want to be neat and
attractive, with a good head of hair, a good complexion and good health. I
want to help my husband so he will fall in love with me to make home
beautiful, attractive and comfortable. I want bright eyes and freedom
from that careworn look. Oh, I want to draw my husband nearer to
me." (From a Taurus woman, aged twenty-seven.) Isn't that
pitiful? And heaven knows - or ought to - how many poor women, and men, too,
live with that same dumb longing to get nearer and be chums with
somebody. That cry touches my heart, for I lived years in the same state. And, oh, how I
struggled to draw others nearer to me. How I agonized and cried and
prayed over it. How I worked to make home attractive. How I cooked and
washed and scrubbed, sewed and patched and darned to please! How I
quickly brushed my hair and hustled into a clean dress so as to be neat
and ready when my husband came in! And how I ached and despaired
inwardly because he frowned and found fault! How I studied books of advice
to young wives! How their advice failed! How I tried and TRIED to
get him to confide in me and make a chum of me! And how the more I tried
the more he had business downtown! Oh, the growing despair of it all! And
the growing illnesses, too! Oh, the gulf that widened and widened
between us! Oh, the loneliness! Oh, the uselessness of life! I had to give
it up. I wasn't enough of a hanger-on to sink into a state of
perpetual whining protest, or to commit suicide. When I was finally
convinced that I couldn't draw him nearer I gave it up and began to take
notice again, of other things. I let him live his life and I took up
the "burden" of my own "lonely" existence. And the first
thing I knew my "burden" had grown interesting, and I was no longer
lonesome. I began to live my life to please myself, instead of
living it for the purpose of making over the life of another. The next thing
I knew my husband didn't have so much business downtown, and
he had more things he wanted to tell me. I found we were nearer than I
ever dreamed we'd be. You see, I had
become more comfortable to live with. I had quit trying to draw
him nearer, and behold, he was already near. In the old
days I lived strenuously. I hustled so to get the house and
|