You must understand that anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. Anger is a natural feeling in a stressful situation. Regardless of how it's done, you must express the feelings of anger you're carrying or they'll "eat you alive!" The important thing is to understand that it's a natural feeling as a result of a divorce, and that you have to let these feelings out - get rid of them - before you can truly go on to become a happy person.

The best way to deal with anger is to know precisely what you're angry about - write it down on paper - and then pick the most appropriate method as well as time, to express your anger to the person that has made you angry.

Another phase you'll be going through is one of all-consuming guilt feelings. “If I hadn't of, or if I had done this or that differently, or if only I had been a little more understanding.” The more you dwell upon this kind of thinking, the deeper you'll fall into the trap of self-martyrdom which allows you to think of yourself as a loser, a failure, and not deserving of happiness.

 

Don’t Blame Yourself

 

You must drive those feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they appear! Simply tell yourself that it didn't work out; it's over, and you've got to things to do in order to survive. Understand and believe that you will recover; then plan what you're going to do, and start moving in that direction.

Still another phase you'll experience is one of reconciliation. This is when the victim calls the lost loved one on the phone or writes letters, expressing undying love - acceptance of all the blame for the divorce - and promising to change to fit the needs and demands of the other person. This is when the victim disregards all his or her own needs and reaches out for the other person without pride.

Remember this: If your lost loved one does not want you, then you must cease to worry about him or her. You must take hold of yourself - your own ambitions for happiness and the kind of love you want - and first plan how you can attain these things, and then set about towards the eventual achievement of these goals.

You must forget about your ex-husband or ex-wife just as quickly as you possibly can! You must immediately see yourself as someone who's self-supporting and the only person on the face of this earth with the final say about how happy you can be. Difficult, yes - but the sooner you realize this and take charge of your own life, the sooner "what once was" will be forgotten and you’ll find happiness again.

No one should throw themselves at the mercy of someone who doesn't want them. Each and every human being in this world is ruled by personal pride in himself. To "give up" one's pride is to give up one's life. Compromises and promises to make changes - followed by sincere efforts to do so are necessary to the ability of "couples" to get along with each other. But to disregard one's personal pride, is to become a non-entity.