Children can be so carefree and loving because they have lived for just a few years-a much shorter time in which to accumulate negative experiences and build up feelings of resentment, anger, and mistrust.

Relationships are similar to this. In the beginning, we don't know each other very well, and aren't carrying around resentments from past interactions with each other. As the years go by, these resentments accumulate. We no longer look at our partner with the same fresh, un-judging eyes.

 

So what do you do?  Retreating into your own worlds will only serve to damage the marriage more.  There are several things you can do to regain the romance, but it has to start within each of you.  Both of you must be willing to give a little in order to get back that fire that was there before your wedding day and just afterwards.

 

Start by taking another look at your spouse.  A good, hard look at who they are.  Look at your partner with a fresh look, let go of past baggage, and remember all the reasons we love her/him so much. This means stretching past any resentments, and opening up to feeling and giving love more fully.

Start out by thinking about your partner and all the reasons that you fell in love with her/him in the first place.  What attracted you to him or her initially?  How did you feel when you were around each other?  Early in your relationship when you were telling others about this great new person in your life, what did you tell them?  Did he make you laugh?  Did her smile light up a room?

When we take and look at our partner with the same eyes we had early on in the relationship, we can start seeing that those qualities that attracted you to them in the first place are really still there.  They have just been overshadowed by all the other stuff that everyday life entails.