The first contract is what everyone is familiar with – the one that the priest in a wedding ceremony makes official.  The second contract is what couples call the silent contract.  It is secret, implicit and largely unconscious.  It is this second contract that specifies standards and behaviours our partner should fulfill. 

 

The distinguishing characteristic of this contract is our secret belief that our own feelings, needs, and sense of what is right are most important.  One’s expectations of the other can carry risks and can lead to clashes, which couples try to resolve among themselves. 

 

Unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, these conversations are rarely objective or fruitful, given that individuals rarely ask if their expectations are fair and reasonable – they just complain endlessly.  Happily married couples are those who understand this second silent contract and all of its ramifications.[1]

Happily married couples are those who continue to invest in the marriage, knowing that for love to flourish, it takes hard work and substantial amounts of creativity.