Ø      Did you choose the wrong person to marry?  If so, then your marriage probably IS in trouble. 

 

So, when you are trying to figure out if your marriage is in trouble consider whether you are unhappy because you expect the person you married to be someone they are not. 

 

If you married someone with little ambition, don’t expect them to turn into Donald Trump.  People usually remain the same at their core and rarely does a tiger change its stripes. 

 

Ø      Are you able to recognize that everyone has disagreements and differences?  Even the most devoted couples are likely to disagree on things from time to time.  Some of these issues may arise from ‘gender perspective’. 

 

For example, a woman may feel that her son should be given more time to adjust to school, whereas her husband may be impatient and fear that his son will be perceived as weak if he does not stand up and ‘take it like a man’. 

 

Of course, gender isn’t always the predictor of your attitudes about such things. 

 

Sometimes, it is your upbringing and the way your parents taught you to behave or what they taught you to expect from life. 

 

Whatever the differences in perception, these issues are normal. 

 

To the extent you can be objective about them and talk about WHY you feel a certain way, you will be able to work through the issue with less anger and conflict.

 

Ø      Are both parties committed to the long-term success of their marriage, at every stage?

 

The issues you will face as you raise children and grapple with financial strife, are different than the issues you may face in old age, or the health issues that may plague your spouse, or even the first years of marriage where you are ‘getting to know each other’. 

 

Be prepared to roll with these issues TOGETHER and to invest in your marriage as if you were investing in your career. 

 

Your marriage is AT LEAST as important as your job, isn’t it?

 

Ø      Is your spouse uppermost in your mind?  Don’t make your job your first priority, or even your children.