Your child or children may take a lot of time or attention, and your career may as well, but if you put these things before your marriage, your spouse will know that they have taken a back seat.

 

Try to connect once or twice a day, even if it is early in the morning, or late at night.  Find some time to talk and share, laugh and touch. 

 

Ø      Do you talk to each other?  Don’t count the times you talk about who is driving the car pool to the soccer game or who is making dinner. 

 

Think about how often you just sit and talk about things that interest you or share a funny anecdote about the day. 

 

How often does this discussion take the form of complaining or recriminations?

 

Ø      Do you still have things in common?   Do you still find your spouse funny, touching and attractive?   Can you think of several very positive traits about your spouse? 

 

Ø      Do you get angry with your spouse a lot?  Do the two of you fight, raise your voice, or go through periods where you do not speak?

 

Ø      Do you keep secrets from your spouse and find yourself sharing more intimate information with friends or relatives as opposed to your marital partner? 

 

Do you share your fears, joys and most private moments with your spouse?

 

Ø      Do you talk about your spouse with others and complain about his/her bad habits or traits? 

 

Or do you address these head-on with your spouse and keep your problems between just the two of you? 

 

Do you allow your family and/or friends to talk about or complain about your spouse and advise you on your marriage?

 

Ø      Do you try to remain focused on what is important to you as a family unit? 

 

Do you spend money on yourself without thinking of the impact on your spouse and your ability to pay bills? 

 

Do you resent having to share your income with your spouse and spending money on things you don’t find important?

 

Ø      Do you respect your spouse’s privacy?  Do you go through their dresser drawers, glove compartments and suit pockets?