Marriage puts us in close proximity with our spouses and sometimes your spouse may need their own space. 

 

Do you respect their need to go out with friends occasionally or to spend time alone in an activity or hobby?

Ø      Do you talk about things other than work?  It is natural to want to share your problems at the end of the day. 

 

If you want to do that, try to talk briefly about the issues of the day and then switch gears, and leave work behind, so you can enjoy each other’s company.

 

Ø      Do you trust your spouse more than anyone else in your life?  Would you tell them anything? 

 

Ø      Do you treat your spouse with respect, respecting their right to their opinion?  Do you make fun of them or deride them in public? 

 

Ø      Have you or your spouse had one or more affairs or serious relationships outside your marriage? 

 

Infidelity is a major cause of divorce, but there are many couples that have fought through this most difficult violation of trust. 

 

Of course, both of you must WANT to work this out and be willing to re-establish the trust that has been destroyed.  It does take time! 

 

If you truly WANT to stay married marriage after an affair, the other relationship must end and there must be evidence that things are changing. 

 

This issue is significant enough that it may require professional counseling to get past the hurt and deal with your anger and feelings of violation without making the situation worse.

 

Ø      Have you contacted, or considered contacting, a divorce lawyer?  Don’t make this call unless you both agree that this is the only option. 

 

It is devastating to find out that your spouse has been consulting a lawyer. 

 

If you still have a chance of working things out, this phone call may signal the end of the marriage to your spouse, and destroy any chance of reconciliation.

 

Ø      Lastly, do you tell your spouse (or show them) every day that you love them?  If not, you are risking their feeling taken for granted.