Look at the lists Jeannie and Bob developed and try to get some sense of whether they have a common ground where they can meet and resolve their differences. 

Do you think they have any idea what the other person thinks or feels about the marriage right now?  How do you think they will do in getting their relationship back on track? 

What advice do you think their counselor will give?

We’ll get back to Jeannie and Bob in a little while and see how they are doing in their quest to avoid divorce.

For now, let’s leave the lists of issues behind and talk about some things you can do to regain the sense of togetherness and to feel more connected while you are working on your problems.

 

These activities and suggestions are all designed to encourage communication and give you more ‘quality’ time as a couple:

Ø      Schedule an old-fashioned ‘date’ every week or two so that you know you have a dependable amount of time together. 

Get dressed and go out.  Hire a babysitter or leave the kids with a friend or family member.  Don’t talk about financial issues, getting the car fixed or paying bills. 

Ø      Every day, write down one thing you want to tell your spouse.  Think of things you like about your spouse and want to compliment, or things you’d like to do as a couple. 

Every night, TALK about these things.  It will only take a few minutes but it will encourage positive conversation.

Ø      Attend a class on conflict management or anger management if appropriate.

Ø      If you find it impossible, at first, to talk about the issues you need to resolve, seek professional help.