Family Involvement

 

It is important to note that, although your marriage and relationship with your spouse, is your business, there are others who may feel the need or desire to become involved.

 

First, and foremost, if you have children, they will be intimately involved and for them, the stakes are nearly as high, as they are for you.

 

When you embark on the journey to improve your marriage, try to remember that even the youngest children are capable of great intuition and observation.  If you are having problems, your children probably know that, even if you aren’t having open fights.

 

If your children are old enough to have heard about divorce, or to have friends with divorced parents, sit down and reassure them that you and your spouse are working through your issues.   Tell them that you both love each other AND love the children and will do everything you can to resolve your issues.

 

It is easy to pretend that your children don’t know what is happening, especially since most people are uncomfortable talking about these things with their kids.

But don’t make the mistake of shutting them out.  You’ll leave them to worry and draw their own conclusions and they are bound to feel insecure and nervous.

 

It is OK to tell your children there are problems.  In fact, parents who teach their children at a young age, about compromise and conflict resolution, are giving their children valuable tools to take into their adult years. 

 

Everyone needs to know that there will be disagreements throughout their lives and to feel that they know how to handle these disagreements when they arise. 

 

Silence, recrimination and accusation are not the legacies you want to leave your kids.

 

As for the rest of your family, you may find that they are a hindrance if you don’t lay down some ground rules. 

 

If you have made the mistake of talking to your siblings or parents or friends about your spouse and now you want the space to improve your marriage, you have to be honest with your family and friends.

 

Let them know that you recognize you made a mistake in ‘talking out of school’ and that you and your spouse intend to work hard to resolve your issues. 

 

Ask for their support and understanding and discourage them from making sarcastic or cutting remarks about your spouse to you or to anyone else.