Getting Professional HelpWhat if your problems are
severe? Though you both really want to
fix them, you have no idea where to begin. You may want to consider professional
help. Though, if you are going to take
this route it is wise to thoroughly research the person or group you plan to
use. Even if the marriage counselor or family
therapist is professionally skilled and devoted to his or her clients, you may
find that you do not ‘click’ with their style or techniques. Your marriage is very personal to you and
you need to feel comfortable with the person you choose to help you resolve
your problems. When you consider the statistics, a
recent study revealed that about one third of those actively working on
marriage issues, chose to involve a counselor.
Some of these instances involved one
spouse attending therapy, others involved couples therapy. But, though many people felt that
counseling got them started, very few attributed their success in resolving
issues to the therapist or counselor. Most felt that the work was done by the
husband and wife and that the counselor merely got them started. In some cases, a counselor can seem like
a threat, and if your spouse feels that the counselor isn’t helping, or that
the counselor is merely taking your money to listen to you babble, you aren’t
likely to get much out of the sessions. Sometimes, the involvement of a counselor
can seem to a spouse as if they are being judged or condemned for not ‘being a
good enough spouse’, or as if the counselor is trying to ‘control’ the
situation. When you consider professional
assistance, be sure that it is going to work for you and your spouse. If you want to go to counseling as an
individual to help you clarify and work through some issues, that may be
fine. If your spouse is all right with that and
doesn’t feel as if you are talking behind his or her back, individual therapy
might be the best thing for all concerned.
But, keep in mind that your decision to
go to counseling alone does not free your spouse from working on the
relationship.
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