Making and Keeping the Commitment

 

Presuming you have both made the decision to work on our marriage, rather than opting for divorce, and presuming you’ve gotten all the issues out on paper, you are well on your way to regaining your balance. 

This can take weeks, months, or even years, but if you are going to put all that work into the relationship, you also need to understand that like the business quality initiatives undertaken by large corporations, your marriage must be continuously analyzed and improved if it is going to stay healthy.

Once you get your marriage back on track, there are a number of ways you can keep it fresh and grounded.

Keep these things in mind.  Print them and post them on your kitchen bulletin board, if necessary. 

You’ve worked too hard to get to where you are, so don’t stop working when you finally reach your goal. 

Ø      Watch for specific stress from a lost job, an illness or the loss of a family member or friend and be especially diligent and supportive of the marriage during this time.

Ø      LOOK for the issues and when you see them, talk about them.

Ø      Listen ACTIVELY and do your best not to become defensive.  Try to understand what your spouse is saying and try to solve the problem together.  Don’t make it your spouse’s problem.

Ø      Share the work around the house and, if there are days when your spouse’s schedule is especially impossible, be willing to take on more than your share.

Ø      Don’t forget to recognize what your spouse does for you.  Whether it is an especially good meal or a favor, let your spouse know that you noticed and that you appreciate what they’ve done

Ø      Leave notes or voicemail during the day or do something special every few days – pick up a favorite pastry at the store, or a bottle of wine.

Ø      Do things together.  Don’t let your crazy schedule pull you in different directions ALL THE TIME.  Make time to do something together.  Even if you are just going to the grocery store together, you are TOGETHER.

Ø      Smile and hug whenever you can.  Don’t ASSUME your spouse knows that you still care.

Ø      Disagree, but don’t get angry or yell.  Remember that you and your spouse are both trying as hard as you can.  No one is TRYING to be difficult.