|
Ř
When we have conflict, we don’t volley back and forth with
accusations. Whoever is upset and starts
the discussion gets to talk first and that person tries to talk about how they
feel and what is happening to upset them.
After that, the other person gets to talk and ask questions and the
discussion can really get started. Ř
Kennett has
tried really hard to talk about what he thinks and not keep everything a
secret. It is easier for
Amanda not to have to guess what is going on and even if she has had to learn
to ‘interpret’ his words, she now feels she can figure out when he is really
upset and when he’s just having a bad day. Ř
When they feel
they are withdrawing from each other, they stop the process by throwing a red
dishtowel at their spouse. That is the sign
that they have to talk and stop giving each other the silent treatment. Ř
They plan and
keep at least one date together per week.
That date can be something as simple as taking a long walk, or something
more elaborate like dinner and a movie.
But they make sure they are together and they don’t lose touch. When you really look at how troubled
couples succeed in salvaging their marriage, you find one common thread: Commitment! The recognition of an abiding love for
one another and the dedication to get back to a balance point in life is not
necessarily easy, but it is mandatory if you are going to get on track and stay
there. Once you decide that you are on track and
you accept that your relationship is going to last, you remove the uncertainty
from your picture of marital success. If we assume you are going to succeed,
you have all the time in the world to try new things together, to learn and
grow and talk about the future. If you are living day-to-day and
wondering if your marriage will last, it is hard to focus on the longer term
issues. Maybe compromise and communication cannot
guarantee a good marriage, but they will certainly up the odds! If you think of
marriage as a building, you will conclude that you need a strong foundation to
keep your marriage intact. Take a look
at this graphic and see what you think. Show
it to your spouse and ask their opinion.
|