While they recognized that tried and true techniques might help their marriage, they also recognized that they were unique individuals in a unique relationship.

 

And, they employed methods that worked for them!

 

Today, Amanda and Kennett report that they are happier than they have ever been. 

 

Their lives are not always easy, but when they start to have problems, they don’t let them fester.

When Jeannie lost her mother a year ago, she reverted to some old behaviors, and things started to look bleak again.  

 

Because Bob and Jeannie had developed the skills to deal with these problems and made  a commitment to maintain honest communication and equal support, it was easier to get through the tough times. 

 

Although Bob may not have been able to see his own shortcomings at first, he WAS the one that recognized that their marriage was in trouble. 

And he wasn’t willing to accept the ‘average’ or mediocre marriage Jeannie felt they would always have. 

 

Obviously, he was committed to making the required changes, though he may have been slow to recognize his own contribution to their marital problems.

 

What Bob discovered about himself was that he had an immature view of what marriage should be. 

 

He wanted Jeannie to anticipate what HE wanted to talk about and only thought she was interested in his feelings if she asked about work or about the things that interested him. 

 

He also felt that the family obligations were Jeannie’s responsibility and that she would just take care of those things. 

 

He always wanted to be in control of things and, if he was not in control, he felt like he had failed.

 

Jeannie, on the other hand, discovered that she had ‘settled’ for less in her marriage and that she wasn’t willing to try hard enough to get things back on track. 

 

When Bob didn’t respond to her needs and started spending more time out of the house, she didn’t reach out to him. 

 

Instead she become withdrawn and resigned.  She took everything he said very personally and was sensitive to even the most innocent remarks, and when she felt hurt by something he did or did not do, she would withdraw even more.

 

It was hard for this couple to start talking and to communicate in a non-combative way. 

 

When they learned to listen to each other, they recognized that each of them had different needs, and that compromise would be necessary.

 

Eventually, these new techniques worked, and Jeannie and Bob started to see improvement and to feel that they were back on track.